There’s a lot of things I can do really well given the right headspace (read: concentration) and a bit of practice. Really, there’s nothing you can’t do if you understand that everything is a skill that must be learned and practiced in order to become competent/good/better/an expert.

But there’s plenty of things I suck at, and, of course, solely because I do not actually practice them. I lack time, or patience, or it simply isn’t really important enough to me to bother practicing and learning more and more practicing.

Drawing fits into both of these categories. I’ve done enough drawing in my life, from a young enough age, and have practiced enough, to not completely suck at it assuming I take the time to really work on the task in front of me. But I’m also not much of a practicer, when it comes to drawing, because I’m not reliably good at it and therefore it lacks a certain enjoyment when I look at what I’m doing and realize it’s a big ole pile of suckage on paper.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I get lucky, I’m in the right mental space, and it comes out really well and I’m very happy with my result. There’s always something that could be better, but overall, I end up happy with a few things. By and large, however, I feel most of the time my work looks like utter crap and I find it frustrating.

This is especially true with figure drawing. I’ve never liked drawing people, because I mostly suck at it. However, this is what I’ve been working on improving in the last year or so, since we started going to Dr. Sketchy’s. My husband has gotten back into drawing and wanted to do fun and interesting stuff in addition to the staid artsy-fartsy life drawing fare… and so here we are: Me doing something I never really liked doing, because I sucked at it, because I never practiced it, because I didn’t like doing it, because I sucked at it, because I never practiced it. (You get the idea.)

I’ve been practicing, obviously, although not with the attention and intention it deserved. I went to the figure sessions, the Sketchy sessions, and even spent some time drawing myself and him… but not much more than that. And, worse, my intention during those sessions was largely “to produce something that didn’t suck” and not “use this as practice” or even “just have some fun and play” and can I just say this is NOT the way to approach what is essentially the only practice I’m giving myself.

I know that the lack of skill is from lack of practice. The lack of enjoyment isn’t really from the lack of skill (I enjoy singing even though I do it rather badly), it’s from the lack of proper perspective and intention when approaching the task. It’s like trying to find fun in “running a mile” versus “playing tag with friends.” Nothing is fun if you can’t approach it in a fun way, regardless of how good you are at it.